My Son, The Artist

It must be nice to have artistic offspring. Before leaving his parents' £1m mansion in Berkshire for what passes today as the Grand Tour, junior - a sensitive 18-year-old - secretly painted this going-away pressie for Mum and Dad: a 60ft drawing of a phallus on their roof. They discovered the pressie only recently and are not amused. They're going to send him aloft to clean it off when he gets home. Meanwhile he can show his friends his home on Google Maps: "There, the one with the big dick".