MasterChef

Imagine the average British family - fat dad, fat mum and two fat kids - sitting down to a TV dinner of greasy chips to watch Tim Anderson win MasterChef. Mum's never cooked a proper dinner in her life. She fills her trolley with frozen meals, jumbo bottles of Coke and packets of crisps. Why the hell is she watching MasterChef? Easy TV. There are too many obese Britons gawking at cookery shows. What I really want to know is: Why did the BBC's design team create a red-hot branding iron as the MasterChef trophy? We don't brand cattle in the UK; we punch holes in their ears. Tim is American, but nobody knew he would win. Could the design be due to watching too many cowboy films, perhaps even an oblique nod toward Brokeback Mountain? Does Auntie view the USA as the pinnacle of Le Cordon Bleu cuisine? Surely not! Maybe it's a new trend: US cattle are cool; flatulent, but cool!