Letter to President Putin

Dear Vladimir
I know you read Coxsoft Art News, because when I called for your resignation over the pilfering of Russian works of art from the State Hermitage Museum you promptly demanded an inventory of artworks held in all of Russia's museums. So, I thought I'd let you know that the bumper Christmas issue of Private Eye (No. 1173) - the UK's most influential weekly newspaper - has got you sussed. Your speech bubble reads "What's your poison, squire?" If you want to emerge from the murder of Alexander Litvinenko looking slightly more angelic than Al Capone, you're going to need a sacrificial lamb. May I suggest you offer up the KGB agent who committed the murder and allow British justice to run its course? You can always threaten his family with the salt mines, if he refuses to cooperate.
Yours sincerely
Coxsoft Art