Conserving Water

Despite summer floods, winter blizzards and snowdrifts yet to melt, water companies in the UK are still keen to conserve water. The latest idea is to bathe your cherub in the toilet, requiring a much smaller volume of water than a bath. Just heat a saucepan full of water and pour it down the loo. Make sure the temperature is right, then dunk your cherub. Give her a good lathering - use cheap washing up liquid to save money -, then pull the chain. Don't worry; you won't flush her away. She may scream when the cold water hits her nether regions, but it will close her pores and do her good, like after shave on a man's chin. Catch her as she leaps from the loo and give her a brisk towelling.