Leaders of the European Union have finally agreed a three-pronged package to resolve the eurozone debt crisis:
1. Keep smiling (to give investors confidence)
2. Sell Greece to China. Who needs the cradle of European civilization?
3. Stop spaghetti PM Silvio Berlusconi from holding such lavish orgies ... er ... parties.
If these measures don't do the trick, they'll nationalize the Spanish monarchy, if they can borrow enough money from the Russian Mafia.