Tracey Emin, Charlady

The annual Lighthouse Gala Auction at Christie's next month will offer punters some really daft lots to bid for, including Tracey Emin's neon power-waster Keep Me Safe and - wait for it - Tracey doing your housework for you! (Light dusting and gossip only.) If that doesn't appeal, you can bid for walking your dog with Geri Halliwell. I wouldn't mind that one, so long as Geri wields the pooper scooper! Don't all rush at once. This is for the filthy rich with big carbon footprints. Tickets cost £125.