Beware Emin With Gift

If Tracey Emin knocked on your front door bearing a gift, would you answer it or leave her to stew on the doorstep? "Lucky, heather, guv? Unmade bed? Titian, maybe?" Leave her to stew would be my advice, because she's after £100m of tax-payers' money to buy Titian's Diana and Actaeon and his Diana and Callisto from the Duke of Sutherland. Somebody was daft enough to open the door, allowing Emin to deliver a petition signed by the likes of Lucian Freud, Damien Hirst and David Hockney. The petition claims these two 16th century works have "inspired generations". They may have inspired generations of little dukes, but there is no evidence they inspired Emin or the other named Brit. art hacks. Give her the bum's rush, Gordon, and tell her where to stuff her Titian print.